Fear or Faith?

Reflection on Mark 4:35-41

Several people have asked me, “How was Annual Conference?” I’m going to put together a report soon to give all of you a general sense of what happened there. But what is really neat is that you can see for yourself what annual conference was like. We have a web site. The address is www.2009annualconference.org. Those of you that are receiving a weekly email from me got the link. If there are any of you with email that have not been receiving emails from me, call the church office and let Bridget know what your email address is so that you can get them.
At this website, the best part is a collection of videos. There are the ministry moment video clips, which share different ways that we are in ministry. You will find the bishop’s address, the worship services, and the teaching times, including the one given by Mike Slaughter of Ginghamsburg church. It was his teaching where he shared the story about how their church is responding to Darfur that I had mentioned last week. I encourage you to hear the story for yourself. But I also encourage all of you who are able to watch the last video in the collection. It is the report of the District Superintendents. But really it was a testimony shared by Duane Anders, who is going off this year as the District Superintendent of the Miami Valley district. He shares about an experience he had jumping off a bridge in South Africa, sitting on a bungee swing.
To give you a condensed version of his story: A couple years back, Duane lived through the deaths of several people close to his life, beginning with his brother. It was a wave of grief that he had never experienced. To get away from it all, the family went to Africa to visit mission partners and friends. Something that he had always wanted to do was bungee jump off a bridge. But he knew that if he survived the jump, his wife would kill him. Well, near the end of the trip, they were in South Africa. They were made aware of an outfit that does bungee jumping. Duane wanted to do it and, surprising to all, his wife said, “If you want to jump, jump.” His 8 year old son said, “I’ll jump with you, dad!” He looked at his wife and said, “Really?” And she said, “If he wants to jump, let him jump.” So they went up there and Duane asked which of the three options were the scariest. They told him it would be the bungee swing. So that’s what they did.
Getting ready for the jump seemed like hours. After receiving their instructions by the 18 year old “expert,” then they had to get on all the safety gear and then wait their turn. Finally, it was time for Duane and his son to take their position on the edge of the bridge, having been firmly attached to a swing from which they would plunge hundreds of feet down and then swing high into the air. Duane’s son was getting nervous and Duane tried to laugh it off. Before they jumped, by the way, the jump is video taped and you can watch it on the web site. Before they jumped, they were asked if there was anything they wanted to say to the camera. Duane looked at the camera and said, “I love you all.” His son didn’t want to say anything. They are led into the position. They are instructed to step off the bridge left foot first. The gate is lifted, they count down, “three…two…one…” and then they are lightly pushed off the bridge, Duane screaming all the way down as they plunge toward the river. Within feet of the river the swing lifts them high in the air. Back and forth they swing for at least a minute, suspended in the air. Then, slowly the swing stops and they are led over to the side of the river, where someone is there to gently place them back down on the ground. They are unhooked and look up toward the bridge waving their arms in victory.
Duane said he wanted to jump off the bridge, even though it was scary, because he wanted to know he was still alive. Life had been so full of grief and loss and confusion, that he needed to exercise a heavy dose of courage, of acting in spite of his fear. He said that sometimes you have to stop being the one sitting on the sidelines watching others have all the fun. The line that really stuck with me throughout this presentation, however, was what his wife told him after he joined her back at the top of the bridge. He asked her what she thought, and she said, “It was scarier watching from the bridge.”
That is true. Fear is at its greatest intensity when you are anticipating something will happen, but you don’t know what or you don’t know when. The fear was standing at the edge of the bridge looking down, more than the jump itself. When the jump happened, you just get carried along, enveloped in the adrenalin rush of the experience. I imagine it’s the same with jumping out of an airplane. The fear must most definitely be waiting to jump out, but, I’ve been told that the exhilaration of free falling simply cannot be put into words. Of course, there is one little thing about this bungee jumping and parachuting out of planes that makes the actual experience a rush, and not one of sheer terror. You are trained. You are prepared with all kinds of safety harnesses or a parachute. And you know that someone will be there to meet you when you get to the ground. Yes, there is some risk. Duane says that before the jump they had to sign their life away. But you know that people have done it before and lived to tell the story. So, even though its scary, you have faith that it’s all going to end well.
The fear is completely understandable, however. Duane thought to himself, while his anxiety level increased, “What we are doing right now is stupid!” It’s not natural, it’s not second nature, to jump off of bridges. It’s counter-intuitive, if you will. Fear is one way our brain tells us that our bodies are in danger. Fear is a good thing, so that you don’t go off and do something rash.
Yet, we have this phrase repeatedly in the gospel. Either Jesus or an angel says “Do not be afraid.” There are several instances in the gospels where people are afraid. They are faced with something beyond their control or understanding, and the natural response of fear kicks in. Yet, they are told, “do not be afraid.” On hearing this, a tension is established. Try as you might, it’s really hard to will away fear. But fear can be overcome. The paralyzing nature of fear can be overcome by acting in spite of your fear, and this is what courage is. And we find our courage if we have hope that things will work out somehow, that we will survive. Duane could have the courage to jump because he knew he was prepared, every safety concern was addressed, and there would be someone at the bottom to meet him. As Christians, we can act even though we are afraid because we know that God is with us and wills good things for us, and that although our lives and everything in this world pass away, that our souls will be with God for an eternity. So although we are afraid at times, we have a deep faith and abiding hope in God who holds our lives in His hands. We know this, but the disciples were not so sure.
Isn’t it strange that these seaworthy disciples were afraid? The Mediterranean Sea is known for storm squalls to come out of nowhere, and surely these fisherman disciples had faced their share of storms. They knew what to do. They knew how to bail water. And yet, this time, they are afraid, thinking their going to die even. They run to wake up Jesus who amazingly is sleeping through all of this. Instead of asking him to give them a hand in bailing water, they accuse him of not caring that they’re all going to die. What a strange accusation. Why would they draw the rash conclusion that Jesus didn’t care? Clearly, they had no idea who Jesus was.
The disciples lacked faith in Jesus, because they did not understand who Jesus is. They did not understand that this man, Jesus, was also God. They did not know that God was with them in the flesh. If they had known, they would have had no fear. Well, yes, they would have been afraid. If you were on a boat being battered by wind and waves, taking on water and appearing to sink, would you not have been afraid even if Jesus was with you and you knew you would be o.k.? I think I would. Fear is natural. But you and I wouldn’t accuse Jesus of not caring. Maybe we would have asked Jesus to give us a hand in bailing water or asking Jesus what we should do to survive this storm.
What storms are we in these days? We are all in a storm. We are in a financial storm. Some of us are facing storms of failing health or of trying to take care of parents or strained family relationships. We as a society as well as Christians, are going through a stormy period of history. A great transformation is happening, not only socially but also in how Christianity is expressed. We are going through a time of transformation equivalent to the days of the Great Reformation of the 15th-16th centuries. Our children and grandchildren will live in a world and will be in a church that will look profoundly different from what we know. When the storm settles, and Christianity adjusts, it will look different. For right now, we are fated to be faithful in the midst of a storm, and our boat is taking on water.
But God is with us. God is still the master of all. Sometimes God will still the wind and the waves, and we experience moments of peace. But for us, we must ride through the storm, bailing water as we go, watching parts of our boat fall away while we hold on to the parts of the boat that are most firm, most “seaworthy.” And we hold on, having faith and hope, that God, the master of all, will see us safely to the other side, a place where we have no knowledge, but a place that we all need to be, for as God has said before in past ages, God is saying again, not just to us Christians, but to the whole world, “Let us go to the other side.”