Only Love Will Do

Based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

        1 Corinthians 13 is popularly called the “love chapter.” It is perhaps one of the most familiar scripture passages in the Bible, particularly among those who rarely attend church or have any engagement with the Bible. That is because it is quite likely that if you attend a wedding in which scripture reading is involved, 1 Corinthians 13 will be one of the readings. Millions of people heard this passage if they tuned in to the wedding of Prince William and Princess Catherine back in 2011. The sermon at the wedding, preached by Rev. Michael Curry, who is the primate of the Episcopal Church here in the United States, was based on this passage. It is not a surprising choice that this passage about love is read at a wedding in which a couple celebrates their love with each other and commits to remain in this loving relationship for the rest of their lives.

But in its original context, marriage was not on Paul’s mind. He does address marriage in chapter 7, encouraging people not to marry, but if they choose to marry because they can’t control their sexual passions, then he gives ethical guidelines on how marriages should go. But in this part of his letter to the Corinthian church, the issue he is addressing is the divisiveness in the church that he has heard about. When Paul writes this chapter about love, it is the context of a church that was divided and not getting along with each other. They had gotten things twisted, so Paul is trying to straighten things out so that the church can be what God intends it to be, a community of mutual love that proclaims the gospel in word and deed to an unbelieving and dysfunctional world.

The focus of chapter 12, which we have looked at over the past few weeks, is around the importance of all the spiritual gifts that people in the church have been given as determined by the Spirit. Paul stresses that every person has a gift. No one is left out. And each gift is intended to be used for the common good, for the flourishing of the community. Paul is specifically thinking about the body of Christ, the church. But I have been inviting us to extend this vision beyond the body and asking us to consider what it would be to use the gifts we have received for the common good of society, and not just the church. If we have to start somewhere, the church is a good place to start. But I do believe that God’s intention is that the whole world be saved, that all of human society be transformed into the beloved community, where every person is able to thrive. But, again, Paul stresses in chapter 12 that we all have been given a gift as determined by the Spirit, that this gift is meant to be used for the common good.

This is certainly an important reminder for us. Each one of us is gifted. The gift which the Spirit has given us is important and it matters. Why would the Spirit give someone a gift that was of no use or benefit? Nor was the gift you received random but was intentionally given to you. Because we all have been given a gift, we all have a responsibility to use the gift we have for the common good. We all have to be engaged in community life. Sitting on the sidelines is not a responsible choice. We all have to use the gift we have. When everyone is engaged, using their gift as they are able, the whole community is functioning and this produces the common good, the kind of society that we all want to be a part of.

Then, Paul shifts away from talking about our giftedness and starts calling us to express equal mutual concern for one another. Using our gifts for the common good is critical. But it’s not just about doing, doing, doing. It’s not just about being busy and productive all the time. Paul reminds the Corinthians, and us, that a healthy community is one where there is equal mutual concern for one another. We must not pass over that word “equal.” We all know what it is like to experience cliques. In our own friendship circles we can have mutual concern for each other, but what about those outside our circles? Even those who are members of the body of Christ who aren’t in our circles? If we aren’t careful, people even in the church can be overlooked. Paul challenges us to not leave anyone out but to have mutual concern for every person in the church. We need to celebrate with each other. We need to grieve with each other. Paul is calling us to embody a community that is more than just doing things together. We are to be a community that actually cares about each other. And every person is included in our care, not just our besties.

I know that Paul is focusing on the church in these instructions. But, again, I invite us to expand our view a bit, just to wonder what would be like if we lived in a society in which equal mutual concern for all was the norm? It seems so far-fetched as a possibility. But I want to be hopeful that the loud voices that fuel divisiveness represent a minority view and that most people in our community do care and want to build a community of mutual care for each other. But it starts with us. By God’s grace, how could we include more people in our practice of mutual care?

Paul lifting up the value of mutual concern for one another paves the way to chapter 13, where Paul takes the conversation to a deeper level. In the midst of their divisiveness, Paul reminds the church in Corinth that each person has a gift that is equally valuable. He has urged them to have equal mutual concern for one another. Now he is urging them to shift their focus from all of that and instead pursue what Paul calls the more excellent way. That more excellent way is the practice of love.

For Paul the matter really comes down to motive. What motivates you to use your gift for the common good? What he is pointing to is that people can do good things for the wrong reasons. And when that happens, something is off. There’s something that just doesn’t seem right. I thought about my own experiences of doing good things, but my heart wasn’t really right. I was doing good things but not really out of love. It was more because it was my job. I’m a pastor so I’m paid to do good. That’s in my job description. Sometimes I’ve done good things because people expect that of me. I try not to disappoint people. And I have observed others who do good things. But it came across to me as a bit patronizing, like that person is pitying me or others. What they were doing was good and helpful but it felt a little ungenuine. As I reflected on my own times where I was doing good but for the wrong reasons and have observed this in others and the vibe I picked up from them as they were doing their good deeds, I came up with a couple of questions that could be helpful to ask ourselves from time to time, so that we can check ourselves about what is motivating us to use our gifts for the common good.

These questions are meant for my own reflection about my motivations for what I’m trying to do in the world. They aren’t meant to question the motives of others. It’s not wise to try to judge what motivates other people. But it is wise to reflect on our own motivations. It may not always be easy. It requires us being honest with ourselves. If we are willing to do this and become clear about what is our primary motives for doing good in the world, it can help us live with more integrity.

So, for example, do you do good things for others because you have a need to be needed? Maybe you have heard the word “co-dependence” before. It’s a relationship in which you find your meaning and purpose dependent on caring for and meeting the needs of the other person. And if this person leaves you, you find yourself with no sense of purpose. You need that person in your life so that your life has meaning and purpose. What happens when that person is gone?

Here’s another question. Do you do good in the world to feed your ego? Do you do good things because you crave being patted on the back, praised for how good a person you are, or to convince yourself that you are indispensable, that no one else can do what you can do? I have known people who are doing things for others, but if they don’t get properly acknowledged or thanked for the good things they are doing, they get their feelings hurt. Now, don’t get me wrong. Everyone needs affirmation. Everyone wants to be appreciated and not feeling like they are being disregarded or taken for granted. But if your primary motive for doing good is so that you can then receive praise and thanks from other people, so you can feel good about yourself, what happens if you don’t get any praise?

Paul is asking us to consider what is our motives when we use our gifts for the common good. He says that even if he does incredible things with his gifts, if he doesn’t have love, if he is not motivated by love, then what he does falls flat. Something is off. What Paul is trying to say to us is that love is the motive that endures. When we are motivated by love to care for others then the response of the other person is not as important to keep us motivated. We don’t need to have the other person respond in kind or give our lives meaning and purpose. We don’t need to have the other person express appreciation for us and tell us how good we are. Paul urges us to do good for love’s sake because this is a motive that is not dependent on what response we might get from others. Paul is telling us that love is the one thing that sustains our motivation to use our gifts for the common good. Not thanks, or praise, or honor and glory. Love and love alone.

“No good deed is left unpunished.” Hyperbole perhaps. But there have been times where we do good and our actions are misunderstood or the results are disappointing. We work hard at something, and nothing seems to work. Things don’t change. The problems we confront are so large and sometimes we are discouraged. We sometimes find ourselves carrying heavy burdens. Or there are obstacles that prevent us from doing the things we want to do. Paul knew what that was like. He writes about all the suffering he had to endure when he was using his gifts in the world, including shipwrecks, people throwing rocks at him, times of hunger, of being ridiculed. But Paul pressed on even through the hard and discouraging times. It was love, his love for God and his love for the church, that kept Paul going. It is love, along with faith and hope, that can keep us engaged, even when it’s hard, using our gifts for the common good.